Back The Eff’ Off
11 Oct 2010 Leave a Comment
It’s been too long. I’ve been passive for all this time and tried to be the nice, but you keep on comin’ at it. You keep on trying to outshine me in my own shadow. To steal everything that seems to be going right in my life to build your own happiness while pretending to be righteous and have character. That ain’t no character, that’s bein’ fake.
Even when I delete you out of my life, you’re still there, still finding your way in my life. Know what, get your own fucking damn life! Yeah, you’re in the limelight, damn smitten with everyone. Be happy with what you have taken from me and stop finding your way into my circles. This is a warning.
I ain’t gunna keep my gloves on anymore, and I ain’t going to let you have your way anymore. Get the fuck out of my life and don’t ever come back. Or else, I’mma help karma kick your ass out of the milky way.
So BEWARE and BACK THE FUCK OFF.
The Process
29 Aug 2010 Leave a Comment
With a bittersweet good-bye to having the privilege of calling myself a “teen” I’ve been spending my time hitting the books, and other sorts of mischief. So I decided to rifle through my FB inbox to delete junk mail that I have failed to discard upon receipt. Going through them was just as interesting as going through my old blogs. Instead of peering into my old thoughts, I saw what kinds of interactions I had with other people. How people appeared to me, and how I responded to them. In some ways, it was almost evident that the past 365 days of my life did not amount to just another year. Rather than the superficial achievements that I had vainly sought after before, I’ve gone through a dramatic personal growth spurt that was long overdue and was hindered by the daily hustle and bustle of life that I would normally put myself through. In some ways, I haven’t exactly changed. My ideals, values, goals and aspirations have not changed much. However, my attitude and approach to life has changed. Towards people and towards myself, I have gained a greater appreciation for my own feelings as well as other people’s. Letting go of what I held on to so dearly to the things I believed to have defined me, I was able to see the bigger picture. You never realize how much you’ve learned until you trace back your steps to see how far you’ve gone. In a way, I guess you can say that I’ve become more ‘human’.
Brainwashed
12 Dec 2009 Leave a Comment
I’ve been watching too much asian dramas… so here goes.
Give me a love that’s strong and pure,
The kind the can endure,
The warmth that makes this cold world bearable.
Even when we lie it’s undeniable,
That we are bounded by fate,
And part by the choices that we make.
Late Night Ramble
30 Oct 2009 Leave a Comment
Sometimes I’m just crazy, and I love it. Other times, I hate how crazy I can be. And of course I am the only one who has to deal with me 24/7, it’s quite the task. lol.
I love independence, I just feel like I can be a better person and it comes naturally. At the same time I require good company, nothing says fun than a good argument and delicious food.
Sleep is a weird thing, I always think about it but I never get enough of it (especially during the school year). I stay up just to listen to the same songs on repeat.
So…
28 Oct 2009 Leave a Comment
I guess my last few posts have been, not quite so positive…
So here’s a more positive one. I swear I’m not emo lol.
There have been way too much going on since school started, which of course contributed to my negligence of this blog. For anyone who actually read this blog, I actually have at least two other blogs to keep up as well. One is the Create and Collaborate one, which is a side project. You can take a look at it here. Then, for class, there is a blog that we have to also keep up with. Each has to be updated weekly, it’s actually quite the task to find something to say/announce lol.
Other than school, I can finally say that I have somewhat of a life despite the fact that I’m a science major. But as finals are approaching, it’s time to buckle down! I’ve got an organic chemistry test next week, so wish me luck!
I probably won’t have time to update until finals are over, but I hope everyone is staying warm in this wintery weather! (Well, in Colorado, or where ever it gets cold and snows this time of year.)
Ciao.
Ephemeralism
19 Oct 2009 Leave a Comment
Every party has its ending, every journey has its destination. It’s that cliche saying that “nothing lasts forever” that depresses me. I enjoy the company whilst I can, but at the same time I know that at some point things change. People move on, people change, and that includes you yourself.
Time and time again, I go through life knowing that it doesn’t last. Or is this a bad habit that I’ve gotten myself into? Every song has its ending, and I miss that warm feeling. They are too far and few in between.
Letting go and moving on, I can’t stand stagnation but at the same time a comfortable habit is hard to get rid of, and sometimes the withdrawals are tormenting.
I want to know that the future yields hope, but I don’t want to know what the future holds and how that would dictate the decisions I make today. I can’t afford to be wreck-less, so I can only grit my teeth and let it go numb.
The Pouring Rain
11 Sep 2009 1 Comment
in Reflecting
If you listen to the rhythm of the pouring rain, what does it tell you? Rain and gloomy weather can rub me in two ways, either pull me deeper into that deep black hole of depression or cleanse my soul. Contradicting I know, but that’s what it does. Every time it rains, I feel like I should go running through it, but something holds me back. I know I’d get sick, and it’s no fun doing it alone or with party poopers.
Maybe some day, I can finally feel the rhythm of the pouring rain against my skin. To finally let go of this heavy ball and chain, and embrace the natural goodness of the world.
I’m not quite sure what the rhythm of the pouring rain tells me, maybe I’m just a fool.
On Death
03 Sep 2009 2 Comments
It’s been quite some time. I’ve never really spoke about it, though the idea and image of death still anchors my heart deep under the ocean very much the same way. Through my uncle I’ve seen the process of dying, death, and its aftermath. I still don’t understand death, and scientific explanations to me are no different than any other belief about death, religious or not.
Birth brings us into this world, we arrive either with warmth, indifference, or regret. As a matter of fact, birth itself is also puzzling. It’s quite amazing to consider that the emergence of a living being could happen. Forget the how, it’s the fact that it’s possible that’s amazing. What happens in between birth and death? There’s so many things that could occur, and its length can vary tremendously. How do you determine the value of a life lived? Or is it just something that we foolishly apply to ourselves and others?
We begin and end in very much the same way, birth and death. We have these concepts of beginnings and endings, but we never really understand them because it is not in our conscious or memory. We have no grasp of what it is like to become a living being from a bunch of particles, we have no grasp of what it’s like to be born, and neither do we have any idea what death feels like until you’re there and you’ll never have the chance to express it.
Death, is a dead end, a step into the unknown, and the less we accept what death is, the more terrified we are of it. Are we afraid of how we die or of death itself? Everyone is different in how they die, but death itself is universal to living mortal beings. If that’s the case, then what is this pang you feel in the presence of another’s death?
Mac vs PC
22 Aug 2009 Leave a Comment
Mac or PC? It’s such a classic question and yet it elicits so much enthusiasm from those who are die-hard Mac or PC users and so much confusion from those who are less tech-savvy. I used to work at the computer center at my school’s bookstore, and needless to say my boss is an Apple fan. After a whole year, I only knew how to sell Macs, because well… barely anyone bought a PC. It’s an interesting trend to see, not only in the marketplace, but just by looking at computer users in general.
As a sales-type of position, I guess you could say I was slowly convinced or brainwashed (whichever you prefer) into actually feeling that Macs aren’t all that bad, since I’ve always been a PC girl. Now that I’ve used a Mac for my research project (for/from the school) and comparing it to my PC laptop, it feels like ice-cream to me. Chocolate or Vanilla?
PCs – yeah, compared to Leopard OX, Windows Vista is a pain in the butt. Updating on virus-protection constantly is also a pain and can be costly. Value-wise, if you’re looking for a cheap, in-expensive word-processing and email checking machine, it’s not a bad idea. You could probably find many different types of PCs with various ergonomics that fits your needs or preferences. PCs also has the netbook thing going on too, with laptops that are so small it can fit in your purse, and at a decent price. Software-wise, it’s currently compatible with almost every useful one out there, but I see a change in the air.
Macs – not as customizable if you’re a classic computer geek who knows the ins and out, the nooks and crannies in those PCs. This is a disadvantage, but it is also an advantage because it keeps the system stable and efficient, thus it is less prone to viruses and crashes. It is also multimedia friendly, its easy-to-use built-in webcam and iLife programs can easily get you started with home/youtube videos, keeping your photos organized, making simple websites, and iTunes is self-explanatory.
Here are some responses from my fellow Facebook friends on this classic question:
Karl
PCs: easier to customize, upgrade and repair. Tons of free software. Used in businesses everywhere, even creative ones like layout, movie editing, etc.
Macs: Cooler looking. Slightly more secure against viruses and such.
That is pretty much how it breaks down. The cost difference isn’t huge when you look at the specs (a typical Mac is equivalent to a slightly souped up PC, so they cost about the same.) I pretty much go with PC’s and get free antispyware and antivirus software. Works great!
Brandon
Quan
…but i wish i knew how to use a mac, because they’re so damn cool… great virus protection, and no blue screen of deaths.
